"Considering"

(Composed August 20, 2013).

My stomach is a boulder, rigid, frozen

My eyes dry as after a winter wind blows.
Mind wandering, considering the options,
Haunted by the thought of its looming.

The 13^th crouches as a snarling Doberman.

How can I boldly stroll down the lane
Admiring lovely flowers, bird’s morning song
When I don’t know the length of the chain?
Will I arrive safely at the other end?
Are the buds for my funeral and
Its chirping my dirge?

Dragged along by an invisible rope

Collecting dust like Hector’s carcass
Time passes and the day ever nearer.
Nothing can prevent, still, wrestling
Eyes strain to stop the clock – or speed –
Half of me seeking the numbers to stand
Still, the other to just get on with it,
The 14^th to arrive, uncertainty dispelled,

Knowledge absolute – be it white or bloody.

It is no different than any other day, really,

Living in the shadow of Mount Vesuvius.
I, cursed with the knowledge –
It is no ordinary mountain.
I know the date of its eruption,
Powerless to stay fate’s wheel.

Perhaps I am that chained dog,

Barking, begging to be freed,
Waiting to see if the lava will flow
Singeing my fur and cover me, or be
Diverted to some other alley or
Stop short.
Spare me.

Lord have mercy upon us

Christ have mercy upon us
Lord have mercy upon us

“How are you doing?” they ask,

Walking beside my grey cubicle.
I smile back, reservedly, faintly cheery,
“Oh, pretty good,” I reply, “considering…”

"Red Votives"

(Composed after a trip to the San Juan
Capistrano Mission, October 2011)

A ruby red glow guides me
Down the dark corridor,
As I approach the altar,
The chapel of St Peregrine.

Prayers have been offered,
Tears shed for the sick,
The weary, the suffering.

I bow the knee and make my petition,
An intercession for those I know,
For those for whom these
Many votives have been lit,

For the relatives and friends,
Struggling to cope, to understand,
Seeking answers, seeking hope.

My soul yearns for their relief,
For peace and joy to uplift their spirits.
A fire in my breast urges me onward,
But I rise after a time, for the tourists

Are speaking in raised voices,
A healthy, young couple on holiday
Arguing about their camera settings.

"Lost"

(Ash Wednesday 2011)

The push and pull
Tugging, yanking, jerking
Fibers of the soul.

The longing, the desire
Enticing, deceiving
As in a smoky haze.

Blurred photograph,
Faded newspaper clipping
Juxtaposed to

Scarlet roses, diamonds
The sweetest taste of
Chocolate on the tongue.

Inch by inch stepping
Deeper into the wood
The path is wholly lost.

"Wandering through the rain"

(Composed January 3, 2011).

Wandering through the rain
Desperately seeking to find
The way, the path
Seems to have sunk
Beneath my feet, hidden
In the haze.  Sunlight or
Moonlight behind cloud,
I know not whether it is night
Or day.  The dim, grey ambiguity
Disguises what was once clear.

Lost in limbo, the liminal,
Unsettled, uneasy, uneven,
Tottering on the tippy top,
Shaking, swaying side to side,
Unable to stabilize, steady, secure

Eyes in the mud.

No mere flub or flounder,
But failing, falling
Flat.

Yet redemption even here
In the ground is found,
Washing clean.
Black is recognized as black,
White shines purest once more,
And men no longer look as trees.

"Heaven in the hay"

(Composed the second week of Advent 2010).

Heavy is the weight, frigid the air,
Blackest solitude, broken
Are the bonds that would unite.
Hiding, buried deep in earth,
Far from the stars, years since
Last seeing their faint shimmer.

Sinking darker into earth,
Crushing struggle,
Pain of despair,
Deeper pit,
Anchor weighs,
Chains clatter,
Heaviest burden--
Imprisoned by night.

In this night virgin gave birth,
Unto us a child was born,
Into this cave a star arose,
Blessed light of infant eye
In cries of a babe is shone;
Salvation to humanity come,
Divinity in manger lay--
Resplendent heaven in the hay.

"Nestled"

(Resting in the love of our Father
On October 13, 2010).

Tenderly nurturing the tiny babe
Enveloped in warm embrace
Gentle comfort as he sings
Delight streaming from his face

Cocooned in his mighty hands
Protected from all harm
None can dismiss his love
Nor snatch me from his arm

In him I am secure
Nestled in his grace
Mercy wrapped all around
His peace my resting place

"Progress"

(Pounded out on the evening
Of October 1, 2010).

Melding the ancient with the modern
Creating a new work, a fresh perspective
The ancient stones arranged in a linear grid
The craft of antiquity, sculptures of marble
And bronze, now portraying in ways anew
Universal human truths newfangled
Contemporary issues and obsessions
Techniques, materials, myths of old
Recombined, rethought, reimagined

Refusing to simply duplicate
Nor desiring to merely replicate
But seeking to uniquely create
A personal interpretation, expression
Seemingly slow
Still, serene past
Juxtaposed with the rushing, dashing,
Moving, jolting, hustling, steam engine
Drive of the future—or rather the present—

Desiring a slower time
A time of refreshment
Still constantly pressing forward
Relaxation
Continually pushing onward
A quieter time
Barreling ahead into the unknown
A return to the garden
Ever enticed by the siren call of “Progress”