"Considering"

(Composed August 20, 2013).

My stomach is a boulder, rigid, frozen

My eyes dry as after a winter wind blows.
Mind wandering, considering the options,
Haunted by the thought of its looming.

The 13^th crouches as a snarling Doberman.

How can I boldly stroll down the lane
Admiring lovely flowers, bird’s morning song
When I don’t know the length of the chain?
Will I arrive safely at the other end?
Are the buds for my funeral and
Its chirping my dirge?

Dragged along by an invisible rope

Collecting dust like Hector’s carcass
Time passes and the day ever nearer.
Nothing can prevent, still, wrestling
Eyes strain to stop the clock – or speed –
Half of me seeking the numbers to stand
Still, the other to just get on with it,
The 14^th to arrive, uncertainty dispelled,

Knowledge absolute – be it white or bloody.

It is no different than any other day, really,

Living in the shadow of Mount Vesuvius.
I, cursed with the knowledge –
It is no ordinary mountain.
I know the date of its eruption,
Powerless to stay fate’s wheel.

Perhaps I am that chained dog,

Barking, begging to be freed,
Waiting to see if the lava will flow
Singeing my fur and cover me, or be
Diverted to some other alley or
Stop short.
Spare me.

Lord have mercy upon us

Christ have mercy upon us
Lord have mercy upon us

“How are you doing?” they ask,

Walking beside my grey cubicle.
I smile back, reservedly, faintly cheery,
“Oh, pretty good,” I reply, “considering…”